October 19, 2006

Secret Sorrow

"What do you want to know?"

"I want to know the secret source of your sorrow."

He says it plainly enough, but I feel my tongue clamp to the roof of my mouth. I smile, look away, pretend to be thinking.

He gently takes me off the hook with a light response, "Of course, we all have sorrow, stemming supposedly from our separation from the Divine."

We laugh at this and I rest my head on his chest. At least for tonight I won't have to risk anything.


John said...

I'm guessing (just guessing) that this might be your fragility entry from below - is it?

by the way I love it

love this knowing tender exchange

ttractor said...

say it say it say it! for god's sake, how many times does someone actually ask for it?

fine. if you speak it, I will. dare ya.

famjaztique said...

John...are you John B? Or another John. Trying to figure out who you are. This post is actually not related to my fragility post, I guess I never did do an entry about that. meh.

famjaztique said...

ttractor, I know, I'm a bloody fool. I just can't, can't be that vulnerable, can't let someone in, can't put my sorrow on the table, I don't know what exactly the "can't" is, but I just can't. Maybe tomorrow.

ttractor said...

don't make me call you a wimp. what? do I have to go first?

famjaztique said...

girl...if you were here I would punch you in the arm I like you so much.

John said...

I'm remuemenage - but it wants to unveil my persona (I'm exposed!) so I lets it

famjaztique said...


Num-Num said...

But we're not separate from the Divine, so that can't be the cause of our sorrow. (Which, round these parts, we might call genuine heart of sadness. Or maybe bodhicitta.) "Sadder and sadder." Or was it "more and more sad"? And he said it with the biggest, kindest, most generous, sweetest, most heartrending grin.

Yeah, I know that feeling of "Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb." (Batman reference, which if you didn't get you have to watch the 60's Batman movie right away). And then sometimes something shifts and somehow it's no longer a big deal. How does that happen?

Why don't you come sit a dathun? There's one starting in two weeks and another in the spring. And at SMC.

famjaztique said...

Numster, how many dathuns have you invited me to come sit? And how many of them have I been able to afford either in money or time? What do you suppose I should do with those two people I created while I'm sitting up there in that rambling remodeled farmhouse for a month?

In the spring...maybe maybe.

Anyhoo, I haven't seen the old Batman movie so now I'm obliged to. That's fine by me, as long as there's some "POWS" in there.

I did point out, at some point during the above conversation, that the belief of my tradition was that we are not separated from the Divine, or anything else for that matter.

Someday, someone will ask me a question like that, and I'll just be able to blab on like there's no tomorrow.